Well then..

Yesterday evening I sat next to the bed of an old woman suffering from dementia, she was eating dinner.
She wanted to tell me something, with a confused expression on her face but everything she said was nonsense:
"The box, you know, I can't think about it all the time. Well, I don't have to, do I? This tastes disgusting.."
I looked at her, friendly but obviously not able to understand what she wants.
She looks back at me, then softly slapping her forehead, saying: "Wow.. My brain is stupid."
Then she shruggs her shoulders.
"Nevermind" And continues eating.

Abandoned Chinese Cities - which are brandnew!

Happy easter?

Picture taken by Tiny (2011)

And now all together: Awwwwwwwww...

Why do I keep dreaming in this musical like manner about work?

As a trainee it's part of your work to serve coffee and tea for the patients
(I don't know why and I hate it, it makes me feel like a waitress,
the only difference is, a waitress gets paid better, the waitress wears a cute apron,
that at first I serve them coffee and later the bedpan or worse..
Ouh, just imagine how I would lift that silver serving dome et voilà...
Gastroentèrite! Bon appétit! Ok, enough is enough..)

But what really annoys me is the way all the patients behave when you ask them:
"Would you like to have a cup of coffee or tea?"

There are the "funny" ones. Oh yeah.. I know you..
"Would you like to have a cup of coffee or tea?"
"Yes, coffee please."
"Would you like to have milk and sugar in your coffee?"
"No, I want my coffee as black as night, as sweet as love and hot like hell!"
Hahaha.. You're so funny.. No one ever told me so before, hahaha.. not.

Or:
"Would you like a cup of coffee or tea?"
"Yes coffee please."
"Would you like some sugar or milk?"
"No, I want it black and bitter, just like my soul."
Hahahahaha.. Jeez.. You're killing me.. If you want it that way, I can serve it in a dirty cup as well!

Or you have to deal with the nitpicker..

"Would you like to have a cup of coffee or tea?"
"Yes please, I want 1/2 cup of coffee with 1 3/4 spoons of sugar and 2,5 spoons of evaporated milk."
Really..?
"Of course, here's your  1/2 cup of coffee with 1 3/4 spoons of sugar and 2,5 spoons of evaporated milk."
Too bad: They don't even notice that I am making fun of them.

So this morning I heard a song on the radio which will haunt me for the rest of my entire nurse-trainee-life.
The next time a patient wants milk for his or her coffee I will start singing:

"No milk today, it wasn't always so, the company was gay, we'd turned night into day.."

(Plus: The singer is cute, isn't he? He's like the Sixties Bieber! XD)

Short messages about bedpans

BF: "I had to scrub the tronies -.-" Luckily this is over soon.."
Tiny: "I've been thinking about this for a while and actually it has to be "Thronies" you know, like "Throne".
          Don't you think?"
BF: "Tronie is a self-contained term which shows simultanously the retraction of the intellectual aspect when it comes to the nursing sector.
It's an expression for the working class."
Tiny: "XD XD XD You're way too cool."

Sad but true: A lot of nurses in the hospital write: trone instead of throne.
I hate this term actually.

People whose brain turn into sludge love me!

I don't know why but it's true.
People suffering from dementia want to be my friend.
Even though I would like to have our friendship on a more platonic level. (E.g no kissing, no caressing, no holding me so close I can't breath or get the feeling of being crushed to death)
Yesterday I started working again after an almost vacation like weekend.
I had to take an old lady suffering from dementia to the Gyn.
Note: I've never seen her before or even talked to her.
Lady: "Are you taking me there and will you wait for me? Cause there are things going on and a woman has to be careful these days.."
Me: "Yes, of course I will take you there and I will wait for you and I will take you back to your room afterwards."
Lady: "Good. I trust you, you little lovely human being."

Later: (I took her back to her room, brought her a cup of coffee)
Lady: "Oh yes, thank you... By the way, can we go together to drink a cup of coffee in the city sometime, when I am out of here?"

Later, around dinner time:
Another lady is sitting in her room, eating dinner, I accompany her because otherwise she would forget to continue eating.
Lady: "Wow.. This picture on the wall is so beautiful.. I like it so much."
Tiny: "It's supposed to be Monet, I guess."
Lady: "Is it an original one?"
Tiny *laughing* "I don't think so.."
30 seconds pass.
Lady: "Whoa.. I haven't seen this picture yet. It's gorgeous.. Do you like it too?"
Tiny: "Yes it's nice."
Lady: "Most people don't notice art these days, right?" 

Oh by the way: I wanted to post some pictures a while ago but somehow always forgot to do it..

I  had the best time working at the ward for endoscopy. My colleagues were beyond funny. The doctors were cool and everything was pretty laid back and relaxed.

Yummy, yummy, yummy she's got shit in her tummy..

So a pretty crazy and exhausting week is over, I had a day off yesterday, plus a whole weekend too!
Seriously this feels like having vacation or something.
So I. and little old me had our exam on Tuesday.
Which was pretty good actually but made me learn one thing:
People suffering from dementia will always (I repeat ALWAYS) surprise you.
My female 83 year old patient for example was the cutest person on the whole ward. Seriously I could've stolen her and take her home just to cuddle her from time to time and to laugh about the cute stuff she says.
(For example: When I asked her: Would you like some mineralwater? She said: "No, of course not." in a very serious voice. And I was like: "Why? You like mineralwater normally." Then I found out she understood "Holy water" (Which sounds not really like mineralwater even in German) and of course no good catholic old lady would drink a cup of holy water or two to swallow her pills.)

So when our head master and the second examiner watched us washing and taking care of our patients the whole thing started..
I.s patient had been our problem child the whole week. She was depressed, confused, grumpy and not easy to get out of bed. On tuesday she was laughing, joking, helping a lot. I. and I were surprised and pretty happy.
The time schedule should have been like this:

I. washes and takes care of her patient, I assist her.
I. cleans the room, gets everything into place while I talk to another patient in a different room about thrombosis-prophylaxis.
After that I wash and take care of my patient, I. assists me.
Last but not least: I. would've done a change of dressing.

So I. was almost done with her patient, she did great and everything went according to our plan.
Then I heard my patient (who was actually still sleeping, I thought) go something like: "Nom, nom, nom.."
Ok, that was new..
I felt alarmed.
She never chewed in her sleep before. What was she doing?
I left I. alone for a second and sneaked behind the operable wall.
Ok.. what was she eating there...??
I came closer.
This certain smell..
Oh fuck no..

Later that day I. almost peed her pants laughing when she told me:
"Tiny, when I heard your voice all desperate and panicking saying: "No Mrs. M.... please! Don't lick your fingers, no!", I swear I couldn't stop grinning.

My patient grabbed into her pants, smeared her feces all over her hand and then started eating it.
Seriously she licked her fingers, one right after the other, in this "Gourmet" like manner.
I started hyperventilating ("WHY ME!? WHY IN THE EXAM SITUATION?!")
but then I thought: You have to do everything like you would've done normally.
So I cleaned her fingers and her mouth, made her rinse her teeth, cleaned her, changed the bed sheets and tried to do a good job.

Oh and needless to say: All the days before and after our exam she continued to be the cute little old lady she's been before.

"Try to think about the nicest thing you can imagine!" "Death."

A female patient we have who is suffering from lung cancer with liver metastases is mumbling and crying.
I don't have to be visionary to see that she is dying.
Her skin is so yellow, if it wouldn't be so fucked up and sick to compare her to this, I would say she looks like a Simpson. It smells like death in her room. She is soaked in sweat and I'm trying to cool her face with a wet towel.

"I want to die.. I want to die.. Please, let me die." She cries from time to time.
I ask her: "Are you afraid of dying?"
"No."
"My colleague gave you some pain killers a few minutes ago, try to close your eyes, to relax a little bit and to wait until they work properly. Think about your most beautiful memory. Do you have kids?"
"Three."
"Try to think about them. Or try to think about the nicest thing you can image."
"Death."
I can't help her, I can do nothing for her. I don't know what to say.
I sit on her bed for a couple of minutes, caressing her shoulder until she sleeps or loses conscience or whatever.
I leave the room quietly.
I remember something a very calm and thoughtful colleauge said to me once:
"This is a long way and everybody has to go on his or her own and it is different for everyone.
Sometimes they can go easily and sometimes it's hard for them."

Edit: She died yesterday a few hours after we talked.
My colleague I. said that from time to time she wanted to die and then suddenly she was asking for chemo.

Ok maybe that was confused or really off topic

I: "So would you like me to put some body lotion on your legs?"
Patient: "Why yes, I've had cancer before!"
I. and me: O.o"

Would someone bother if I beat up a patient?

My oh my... It should be forbidden to be stupid.

Patient: "What's that on your arm? Punctures?"
Tiny: O.O "NO! I have atopic eczema you fucking ignorant fool!!"

I mean come on. Firstly: How rude is that?
Do I look like a junkie? And how stupid would it be to puncture my whole arms with a needle to see whether I hit a vein or not?
Or to work in a place where you have to wear short smocks which reveal your whole fucking arm.
Secondly: Are you to stupid to tell a puncture apart from a scratch?

Oh dear lord, I beg you, throw a whole truck of brains down from heaven.. We need it so urgently here.

Evil domestic goddesses are going to take over world domination today

Or whatever tickles your fancy tonight.

A guy who is taking drugs for a living - pretty interesting


Awwww

Some people are really cool: Guy saves wife and mother from Tsunami

27 reasons why your blog shouldn't exist. Guilty of almost everything, fuck.

Dear blank, please blank. Careful, this can make you procrastinate for.. days? I swear -.-"
PS: This is my favourite:

Dear alcohol,

Please continue to make me the best dancer on the planet.

Sincerely, anonymous.

Brain lightbulb- very clever